So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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