life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Randomize