it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
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