my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
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