Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Randomize
