if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
