I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
porn star boner night. come get it.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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