i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
