i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
