I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
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by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
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didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
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