The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
