words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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