I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
