Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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