I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
