I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Randomize
