Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
