just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
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