I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
