note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
