You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
