My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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