I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
