How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
