Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
The air taste purple.
Randomize
