The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
