soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
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