Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Randomize
