you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
