im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
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The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
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I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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