What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
