So drunk, too bad you don't want this
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
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I got her a Nickelback box set.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
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