Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
