I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
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