all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
