i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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