I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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