i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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