So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Randomize
