I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
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I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
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