you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
