mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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