Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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