why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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