went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
