When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Success! We fucked roommates!
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
