Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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