ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
how do you play pong handcuffed?
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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