I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
