just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
