my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Can I color on your dick again?
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize