and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
