so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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