JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
