I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
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So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
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I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
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