no, he came in my armpit
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Randomize
