perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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