Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
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