I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
