operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
It's just like the Real World with babies
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
