He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
where are you?
Hypothermia
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
