I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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