Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
